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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I decide to hit up the mall. Westfield, baby! I’m strolling through, and I see this sale sign. My heart skips a beat. I rush in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. People are diving for clothes like it’s Black Friday. I’m dodging elbows and flying shoes. I grab a shirt, and this lady next to me is like, “That’s mine!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to survive here!”

Lower Hutt mayor Campbell Barry not standing for re-election